I know I haven’t updated in a while. Things have been pretty busy. Long story short: I’m currently in Singapore because of work. I’ll talk about it some other time…
Today, exactly two weeks before my birthday, I lost someone very important. Our dog, Kiba, had to be put to sleep. My heart hurts so much and I feel so bad and guilty that I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Kiba is one of the sweetest dog ever. A husky mix, he’s Peanut’s (the dog I gave Jay for his birthday) only puppy that we got to keep with us. He was only five. Too young (even in dog years) to leave this world. I knew that things weren’t going well but I didn’t expect for things to get from bad to worse so soon. I thought I’d get to see him again.
He was diagnosed with heartworm and other illnesses a few weeks ago. He had to be confined at the vet. Things were looking bleak. His heartworm couldn’t be treated because he was still weak, wouldn’t eat and has problems with his liver, blood, etc. Everything happened so suddenly. Until now, I still don’t understand how things became that bad.
When Jay told me that the vet was suggesting to put him to sleep if he didn’t get better in a couple of days, I couldn’t believe my ears. I was pretty much in denial. There was no way I could make that decision. Who are we to judge if it was time for him to go or not? Isn’t the fact that he was still alive and fighting means that he wants to live and be with us? How could I take that away from him?
When I visited him at the vet for the first time, I tried hand-feeding him to get him to eat and he did. So that’s what everyone did as well. He seemed to be getting better, albeit slowly. We thought he was going to be fine eventually. The vet told us that since he was already eating, we could take him home and just take him back for check-ups regularly. He was still at the vet’s when it was time for me to leave. I said goodbye and told him that he should be stronger when I get back so we could play together.
He was taken back home. I even saw him once via skype. But Jay was concerned that he wasn’t getting better. Yesterday, I told him that I didn’t want Kiba to be put to sleep. Just the thought of deliberately ending his life hurt so much. Jay agreed and he said he didn’t want to do it either.
Today, I woke up and found out that he was gone. He couldn’t move this morning at all. So they took him to the vet again. I was told that he was paralyzed. And they didn’t have any choice but to put him to sleep. Even now, I can’t stop crying. I burst into tears whenever I think about him. My heart hurts so much I feel like it’s going to explode. Its been a long time since I had to deal with something like this. And it’s so much worse that I had to deal with this alone right now…